A miserable fat guy, invisible to women. That pretty much summed me up 9 years ago (on the left). Sure, I was a “good guy” at heart, but I lived my life from the sidelines.

I will never forget the god-awful rotten feeling I had inside when I saw a guy around my age (21 at the time) driving next to me with a cute young blonde girl in his car. “How the hell did he get that girl?” quickly turned into “What the heck is wrong with me?”.

I want to share with you my journey that took me from being that fat lonely guy, to teaching guys how to meet women for a living. Even more important, I changed myself into a man I am proud to be.

I learned a lot of insanely valuable lessons on my journey and did more things wrong than I did right. In these articles I’m going to tell you what worked and what didn’t so you can have an awesome life filled with options with hot girls.

I want you to be able to avoid the mistakes I made and capitalize on my good decisions so you can achieve your goals with women in the shortest amount of time possible, with the LEAST amount of work.

Buckle up and get ready for a wild ride...

A Lonely Fat Guy from Humble Origins

I grew up as a man believing that girls either liked you, or they did not. You were cool/good looking, or you were not. Some guys got girls, and some guys just did not. After not hooking up with a single girl in high school and college, it was obvious which category I fell into. I had officially hit rock bottom, slipping into a deep, dark hole. All by myself.

The scariest part to me was that I felt I was destined to be alone for the rest of my life. I thought about and saw hot girls all the time, but I had to accept that they just weren’t in the cards for me.

My vision for who I wanted to be has always been the same since I was a young man. Maybe you can relate to these:

Be fit like a super hero
Financially secure
And most importantly, have an awesome life filled with hot women

My vision for this perfect life was forever playing in my mind.

The only problem was that I was almost 350 pounds, I worked at the dollar store while paying my way through community college, and I was about to marry the first girl I ever slept with (who wasn’t anything near my dream girl, to put it nicely).

Where I was living, everyone around me was generally closed minded and seemed to be very willing to settle with the cards they were dealt. One of my greatest fears was winding up just like everybody else: a miserable settler that gave up on all of their dreams.

Even though it seemed like I got dealt a garbage hand in life, I refused to settle! There had to be another way!

When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.

The Fear that Controlled Me

Consider yourself insanely lucky to be reading this right now, because it was a story like this that absolutely changed my life. 9 years ago I read stories about men who were invisible to women, like myself, and completely turned themselves around to the point where their lives sounded more like something out of a James Bond movie. Traveling around the world and hooking up with hot women on command.

It sounded too good to be true. A nerdy guy? Turned into a rockstar with girls? Once I found out that some of these guys had methods to their madness, that was it for me. I was sold. I was ready, willing, and going to do absolutely anything to turn my life around and free myself from my pit of loneliness.

There was just one little problem. Actually it was a huge problem. I was completely and utterly petrified. I was scared to death of approaching and talking to a woman I was interested in. I was scared to change myself and be ridiculed by my friends and family. I was even more scared and extremely awkward in any type of social situation with people I didn’t know, especially bars and parties (I never drank or did drugs and I still don’t).

“In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear.”

These fears were crippling for me. The really sad part about it is that most men will never find the courage in their entire lives to overcome them. At the time, I wasn’t sure at all that I could either. All I knew was that giving up on my dreams and selling out on myself was much worse to me than any fear I had. Living a life less than your expectations isn’t living.

One of the greatest lessons I can share with you from my own life is this:

Facing and overcoming your fears and obstacles will ALWAYS lead to the greatest happiness in your life.

What type of story would be worth telling without a character facing and overcoming some insurmountable and terrifying obstacle? David and Goliath, George Washington, Luke Skywalker. The bigger the obstacles, the harder the journey, and the more courage it takes, the sweeter victory will taste. That’s the stuff legends are made of.

The really good news is that meeting and attracting women doesn’t need to be difficult! My story here is an extreme example and I’m writing it to inspire you. Most guys I meet and work with are able to get a grasp on meeting women very quickly and easily with the proper guidance. Everybody has a different starting point, and everybody has natural advantages and disadvantages. The coolest part is, through working on yourself, you can get rid of most of your disadvantages and start building your advantages.

The Journey Begins...

For me personally, I started at a pretty low point and had a long way to go. I remember throwing up before my first night out to a popular bar in my area because I was so scared of entering that environment and talking to women. The only natural advantage I seemed to muster up at that point in my life was courage. I gathered up as much of it as I could and got ready to embark on the toughest journey I’ve ever been on.

I jumped into my transformation headfirst and started to change everything about myself over the next year. I cut my hair, got contacts, wore earrings and jewelry, bought all new clothes, and even lost over 100 pounds in the first year of my transformation. I changed so much that my only two best friends of over 10 years completely disappeared (haven't seen or talked to them since) because they couldn’t handle how much I changed. Even my own family thought I was crazy. I absolutely was. I became obsessed with transforming myself not only on the outside but on the inside. I wasn’t a fat guy anymore, and I was determined not to be a lonely one, either.

I was a sponge for knowledge. I didn’t just dabble in self-improvement advice, I jumped head first into it. I devoured all the knowledge I could until I was an expert on a subject, and then I went back for seconds. In my early twenties learning the skill-set to attract women into my life became my obsession.

I remember a typical day for me 7 years ago...

8am - On the way to work I would listen to audio books in my car
9am - During the first half of my work day I would have my earbuds in listening to more audio books on picking up girls (I got a labor job so I could listen to music while I worked)
12pm - At lunch time I would read and memorize lists of stories I had prepared to talk to women about
1pm - During the second half of my workday and the drive home, more audio books
5pm - I would hit the gym after work, then go home and watch videos on picking up girls
7pm - My wingman would come over and we would recite our stories out loud to each other for a couple hours before we drove to a bar or club
9pm - We would spend 3-4 hours at the club approaching and talking to as many girls as possible
1am - On the drive home we’d break down our nights, then I would go home and write in my journal for an hour

Sleep and repeat the next day. (I would often go out to meet girls 7 nights a week at this time and many other times over the last 9 years)

I was utterly and completely obsessed. I did whatever it took to ensure I would never be alone again.

I couldn’t even sleep most nights because my mind was racing so rapidly from all the stimulation. Despite all of my efforts, it took me a very long time to start seeing any tangible results. Back at the time I was doing most of my research, the tactics and techniques that I was studying were not very effective. I was told to dress outlandishly, talk about things I had absolutely no interest in, and I was pretty much acting like a robot when talking to girls.

There was a time I clearly remember when I had approached a group of three girls at a local bar on a Friday night. I asked them a question, ignored their responses, and started to go into one of my pre-scripted stories about some unrelated topic that I had memorized. As I was talking to the three girls at the same time, one of them says out loud to her friend, “Is this guy a newscaster or something?” I sounded so mechanical that they felt like they were watching a guy on TV. Of course I didn’t know how to handle that and I stuck to my script until they walked away laughing in the next few seconds.

You have to be very careful of the advice you take from people. I wasted a good amount of my time following the wrong guidance. If I would have sought out the right advice from someone who had been through the same thing I had and knew how to get real world results, it would have saved me a lot of time, pain, and frustration back in the day.

Learning as directly as you can from the right person, someone who can get and reproduce the results you desire, is one of the most important lessons that I learned in my journey.

I tried to do the best I could with what I had available to me at the time. My start was slow, but eventually I stumbled into a few golden strategies that skyrocketed my success out of nowhere.

The Roller Coaster

There were highs and there were definitely even more lows during my journey to mastering the skill to attract women into my life. It would be impossible to count how many times I got shot down. Heck I still do to this day. Anyone who says they aren't are either flat out lying to you, or they aren't trying. No matter what results I was getting at any particular time, I believed deep inside that this was a skill I could learn. You have to believe the same of yourself.

There are studies on people that either have a growth or a limiting mindset. If you do not believe in your own ability to grow and change yourself, then you will miss out on lessons and opportunities to do so.

One thing I did right with learning how to pick up women was that I took everything one step at a time. I must have spent nearly a year just learning how to approach women and start a conversation while managing my fears.

From there I was constantly working on building attraction with my body language and conversation. I worked on that for another couple of years. Every part of interacting with and attracting women I learned one piece at a time. It is very easy to get overwhelmed with this stuff and it doesn't help to skip ahead.

The Power of Sticking Point Analysis

Eventually I started to discover things for myself. I started to get rid of what didn’t work, and started doing more of what worked. Once I was getting out enough and the ball was rolling, my learning process really started to take off when I started to implement something called sticking point analysis.

Sticking point analysis is a technique where you go out and talk to girls until you consistently hit what we call a “sticking point” in your interactions. A sticking point could be anything from…

getting out of the house,
knowing what to say when you approach women,
running out of things to say in a conversation,
or learning to how to break out of the friend zone and have a more flirtatious and sexually charged interaction that actually goes somewhere.

In order for something like sticking point analysis to work, you have to be getting into enough interactions to truly discover what your sticking point is. Once you have found out what is consistently troubling you, by journaling how things went after you go out, you then go right to a reliable source of knowledge for answers. This could be anything from a website, a forum or group, or directly from an expert.

You can research specifically for your sticking point or ask directly for help with it. You want actionable advice and tactics to go and try out when you run into your sticking point the next time. The more high quality advice from a trusted source that you can get, the quicker you will get past your sticking point.

Sticking Point Analysis Example

Let me give you an example of this process.

You have been going to bars every weekend and discover that you can approach girls fairly easily and often, but your conversations get pretty boring and there is no chemistry or attraction.
You go home and seek out a trusted professional and tell them your sticking point of building attraction. They give you some techniques to be more humorous. They also tell you to make physical contact with the girl at specific times, starting small and working your way up. (Those are two tips I strongly advocate for dealing with that sticking point)
You get back in the lab (the bar in this case), and after you approach and start talking to girls, you pepper in the touching and the humor that you were advised on.
You repeat step 3 until you either iron out the sticking point and can now build attraction, or you go back to step 2 if you got crappy advice from an unqualified source.
You keep going out and talking to girls until you reach the next sticking point. In this case it would be how to guide your interactions towards what your goals are for them.

I mentioned earlier how when I first got into dating science, I read as much material as I could get my hands on until I could recite dating science theory like I was a majestic wizard on top of a mountain. That was a start for me, but it wound up doing me more harm than good. I had a serious case of information overload. I was so overwhelmed with ideas that it actually made me very introspective, nervous, and kept me from taking action.

I was also getting really terrible advice from reading outdated articles and books, and watching videos from people who had no business giving dating advice. It was very hard and time consuming to sift through all the crap that was out there. If I could go back in time I would have trained with a credible coach and shaved a few years off of my learning curve. But I was too stubborn and afraid to ask for help so I tried a million things until either something worked or I learned how to do it myself. Either way, getting out there and building my skills one piece at a time was the way to go.

Once I started to take things one step at a time and use this sticking point analysis process, my results started to improve tremendously. I hit a point any guy would be satisfied with. I had developed my skills to the point where I could consistently walk into a social gathering, approach attractive women with ease and confidence, have lengthy and high quality interactions with good chemistry, and leave with several solid phone numbers from girls ready to meet up with me for dates. Not every single girl liked me, no one can make that happen and if they say they can they are completely full of themselves. But now a lot of attractive girls responded extremely well to me.

I would say that getting to the level of skill that I was at then is a very achievable and worthwhile goal. It took me about two years to hit that point. Two long and hard years. As cool as it was, I had even higher expectations for myself. My next goal was to give back and help other men make the transformation that I made, and to help them make it much easier than it was for me.

Keys to Learning Faster vs. Learning Slower

Over the last 7 years I have been working as a dating instructor for various companies and myself. I’ve been traveling around the world and working with thousands of guys helping them make, most of the times, instant transformations in their abilities to meet and attract women. I spent time with tons of other instructors in the dating industry and took my own skills to a level I never dreamed was possible. I finally achieved and have been able to live my most important life goal: to have an awesome life filled with hot women.

(that’s me in all those pics... and some of the women I’ve met along the way)

What I found over the years was that by getting around the right mentors, you can skyrocket your success in a fraction of the time. Back in the day I was honestly too scared to take criticism from anyone else, so I tried to figure as much out on my own as I could. It was reading and analysis more than actual application in the very beginning. Which is why I had a slow start.

When I started teaching guys in person I would see them, time after time, be able to do things in one day that took me a year to learn. For example, it took me about a year until I could approach a girl and hold a pretty solid conversation for over ten minutes. Yet I would teach and demonstrate to guys how to approach and how to navigate a conversation in a few hours. They would go out that night and be able to talk to girls all the way up to the point of getting her phone number. These were guys who had never even approached a girl out of the blue before.

The thing about this format is that you learn something and you apply it right away. We learn from doing. It’s very easy to read something, enjoy it, and then go on to reading another topic. The sooner you apply what you have learned, the more likely you are to internalize it and see real world results.

Here is a great diagram of how we learn and retain new skill:

As you can see by the learning pyramid above, there are drastic differences to the amount of learning you can achieve with your time, depending on the action you choose to take. The more wisely you spend your time learning the skills to attract women into your life and achieve your goals, the quicker you will have success.

My journey absolutely reflects this learning diagram...

At first, since I was skeptical and very afraid to put myself out there, I spent most of my time reading and gathering information with no interaction. I didn’t get very far.
Next, I started to go out and try what I had been learning. The things I was reading about were now coming to life and I could clearly see what worked and what did not. The more time I spent out in the field vs. staying home reading, the more rapidly I started to improve.
Finally, I decided to get around experts and become one myself. I spent all of my time teaching, practicing, and discussing my techniques with other people; refining my skill set with all hands on experience.

I write articles obviously, and I think lecturing is very important, but I am always honest when it comes to helping you to achieve your goals in the most efficient way possible.The more time you can spend getting out there, the quicker you will get better. The higher quality of people and advice that you can surround yourself with the better.

You Can Improve Faster and More Enjoyably

You may have been like me and naturally not much of a social person, but the more you can stretch yourself to be social the better. Ask for help, discuss things with others, and get out and go after your goals! Don’t just read about it, be about it!

Wherever you are, you have your own journey ahead of you. Whatever your goals with women may be, you can achieve them. I encourage you to learn from my mistakes and to make the process of learning how to be better with women an easier and more enjoyable process.

Just as my life changed when I heard about guys who changed themselves from the ground up, I love sharing my own journey to help inspire you. If my timid fat ass self could find the courage to face my fears and the determination to make something of myself, I believe anyone can!

I do what I do because it is my mission to save you, and any men who have the courage to take control of their lives and never settle for less than they deserve, from all the time energy and pain I had to go through to realize my potential. Join me on this journey and let's make it easier for us to live the good life.

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article originally written for girlschase.com

How I Went From Fat Introvert To Lady Killer (with pics to prove it)